I don't even know where to start. It has been a long year without posting. I originally started this blog to talk about the adventures our family had in homeschooling. The joys of our life, the crafts, fun, games, cooking, and general love our family gets to share. We still have all of those elements. There are still crafts, cooking, love, and even education at home, but I enrolled my children in public school at the beginning of this school year. I am in college full time, they are in activities, and most of the time I feel like I am lucky if I am even treading water, because some days the temptation to just give in, stop moving, and let the water rush over my head is tempting.
My whole life was centered around the fact that I homeschooled, and when we decided not to do it we also moved to a better school district 20 minutes away. I haven't seen any of my former homeschool mama friends in a social way since I made that decision. It has been a long, year. A year where I feel that I have no friends, that no one cares what happens.
Two months ago my son Alex, who is 4 and a half started seeing a behavioral therapist for problems he is having in school. They say they are 99% sure he will receive an Asperger's diagnosis. I spend my days making visual calenders, putting headphones on, asking for eye contact, and googling ways to create my own weighted blankets. I do this with a smile and an air of excitement as though I were preparing for a new baby and not a long road of difficulty with a son who has needs that I often cannot even understand let alone satisfy.
Today I woke up and I felt alone. I have made a couple of new friends, but since all of my relationships are new I feel there is no one I can bother on a day like today. I spent an hour in the shower. I trudged through homework, laundry, dishes. I told myself at least a hundred times today that laying down and pulling a blanket over my head is not an option. It is just one of those days, I will survive, I will soldier on. Tomorrow will be better.
So now I guess this is a blog about motherhood and being human. Love, cooking, crafts, and the joys and sorrows that come in all forms no matter where your kid goes to school. Nothing ever prepares us for all of the twists and turns we are going to face, and some days all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Today is one of those days.